It’s 1:45 a.m., but I know I won’t sleep unless I spew some of these thoughts out onto my keyboard.
At least once a week after school, my husband and I have to run to the grocery store and we try to do it before getting the kids from after-care. There are two different roads to get to the store. He prefers route A, because he doesn’t have to cross traffic to get into the parking lot. I prefer route B, because the road he has to take on Route A has more stop lights and is a traffic nightmare at 4:00 every afternoon. The route we take depends on who is driving.
When we first started doing this over two years ago, I would whine and complain every time he took the “wrong” route. Guess what. He kept taking his route. When I drove, he let me go my way…and he never complained.
After a while, I had an incredibly mature thought to myself. I realized “ huh…we still get to the store regardless of the road we take.”
I was thinking about this in light the recent tragedy just a few hours south of me in Parksdale. There has been a lot of nastiness on social media the past few days. Personally, I make it a point to not post anything political or controversial. In fact, I go out of my way to not be involved. I go for the fun memes, cute pictures and let the Disney feeds fill my profile. I don’t talk about who I vote for. Truth is, I am pretty intimidated by conflict and incredibly sensitive. I recognize that my failure to take any stances on social media may come across as complete ignorance…and I am okay with that.
But, I will say this… no one in authority who has the ability to change policies or elicit change is reading your online arguments that are full of bias, hatred and cuss words. Friends and family are just tearing each other apart in the newsfeeds and it’s ridiculous. They yell at the President if he shows up at a hospital… they would yell if he didn’t. (Don’t read too much into that. I’m not saying that I’m a fan. I do, however, respect the office of the President, regardless of who is in it.)
It’s just an example that there is no winning here. No matter what, someone is angry and most of the time, you won’t change their minds…and least not in a thread of comments. I have had far more beneficial and respectful conversations over a cup of coffee, because a large part of communicating is tone, vocal inflection and body language…all of which is lost through the computer ( with the obvious exception of Skype and YouTube).
So, just stop.
Social media can be a powerful tool to grow a platform and bring groups together, but the hatred spewing out of it cheapens its value.
Truth is, I will probably not even allow comments on this post because I know that there are people online who will twist my words, bicker and argue… and, frankly, my own mental health can’t take it. Feel free to call me a coward. I just know my limits and why I can’t be involved in those discussions. I will get too emotional. Too hurt. Too angry.
Hear me when I say that it’s okay to be angry about social wrongs and tragedies. Rosa Parks was fed up and took a stand. Martin Luther King was angry about injustice, yet managed to do it in a non-violent way and he shaped the country! Your anger and hurt and frustrations need to be channeled and frankly Facebook, Twitter, Insta and whatever other screen you are staring at is not the place.
By day, I am a school “ counselor.” I work at a private school, and am not licensed. I am essentially only qualified to handle academic matters. There are far more well-qualified school counselors and school psychologists on the front lines every day.
However, I am working on my M.Ed. on Mental Health Practices in Schools. So, I would like to think that in my off-line world, I am not as froo-froo , ignorant and fluffy as I seem. I have commentary and opinions on these matters, but you won’t hear them here.
Sure, I trust that I can share my opinion. What I can’t trust is how others will comment and fight each other over those opinions. How can we expect our kids to have healthy relationships with social media and avoid cyber-bullying when adults fail to act dignified or responsible on these platforms?
Because of my role, sometimes kids tell me things. Not fun things. When that happens, we have to do our best to follow the process, trust the system and guide that kid to support…but ultimately the student has to want it, too. When bad things happen, the responsibility doesn’t fall in just one place. It falls on lawmakers, parents, teachers, coaches…and mostly individuals themselves. However, because so many people have to share in the responsibility, then they also have to work together to share in the solutions.
If you want to be part of the solution, then volunteer at your local schools. Help out in an after-school program to give hurting kids a safe place to land. Find a way to support your community. Write your lawmakers a well-thought-out, proofread letter regarding your views on guns or mental health. By all means, flood their inboxes, but do it with words that solidly support your argument. Remember that change starts at home, so love your kids and your friends. Be kind to the person who cut you off on I-4. You don’t know what their day has been like.
Instead of insisting that your solution is right….let’s look at all solutions. In fact, let’s try several and see what works. Stop fighting. Stop bickering. Mourn and support those who mourn. Love others. Keep a level head, have watchful eyes and just be decent human beings that can have civil conversations to work together. There may be more than one road that leads to positive change.
